We all want the best for our loved ones, and sometimes that means turning to care services for help. But what do you do if you have an elderly parent refusing care? We explore the tough topic of parents refusing care and how to handle this sensitively and effectively, with everyone’s best interest at heart.
For many elderly people, going from living a life of independence and confidence in their ability to carry out everyday tasks to experiencing difficulties and needing support can be unsettling. As they age, your parents have to accept these changes to their daily lives and adding the subject of care into the equation can be difficult to accept if it is not approached delicately.
Whilst a refusal of care may seem like the end of the conversation, it’s important to discuss all the options available to them thoroughly. Opening up the conversation allows your elderly parents to voice their concerns about their care preferences and enables you to share your concerns about their health and well-being, too.
In this article, we’ll look at some of the reasons elderly parents may refuse care and how to communicate with them with respect and understanding about their options.
Why might an elderly parent refuse care?
While you might have noticed that your elderly loved one is struggling to look after themselves, they may need some time to come to terms with this change in their life. Refusing care may be their initial reaction to the possibility of needing extra support and fear of losing their independence.
Reasons for refusing care are often more complicated than just being stubborn or difficult. By gaining a better understanding of the reasons why an elderly person might refuse care, you can then effectively address their concerns.
Here are some of the most common reasons why an elderly individual may refuse care.
Loss of independence
Having lived independently throughout the majority of their lives, losing independence is a worrying prospect for many elderly people. Your elderly loved one may mistakenly think that accepting care means that their preferences, decision making abilities and control will be taken away from them. This is not the case. You can help calm their concerns by assuring them that they will be fully involved in their care planning and not a passive participant.
With home care, your elderly loved ones can continue to live as independently as possible, just with a little added support. Home care plans can be designed to retain the individual’s independence by keeping their daily routine in place, allowing them to live in the comfort of their own home and continuing with their weekly social activities.
Take a look at the types of care options offered by Trinity Homecare to help support your elderly loved one while living independently in their home.
Denial
If you have an older father or elderly mother refusing care, they may not want to admit or recognise that there is a problem. Denial is another common reason why an elderly relative may refuse care. They may also be unaware of the difficulties they are facing and not fully understand that care could help them. Discussing your concerns about their health and well-being may help them see their situation from another point of view.
Enlisting the assistance of a healthcare professional is helpful if your elderly parents are in denial about their health issues. They may not take your views as seriously as the opinions of a GP or community nurse. This is all the more important if your elderly loved one is living with conditions such as Alzheimer’s or dementia, as they may be unaware that there is cause for concern.
Fear of the future
There is a lot of stigma attached to care. It brings about many questions and can cause feelings of anxiety about the future. For example, if your loved ones start to receive care, will they end up in a care home? Will they lose their independence?
It’s natural for elderly parents to feel apprehensive about the future during times of change. As a result, elderly individuals might see refusing care as a way of avoiding change in their lives.
By starting the conversation early, you can discuss your parents’ care options, allowing them to share their fears and concerns in a safe space. Often, fear stems from the unknown, and by explaining that care can be personalised and going through all of the care services available to them, you can take away the worry.
Worrying about finances
Another reason behind an elderly relative refusing care may be due to financial concerns. Even if they have considerable savings and their own home, elderly individuals often worry that these will not cover the costs of care. The main financial sticking point that puts parents off receiving care is the prospect of having to sell their home. However, there is no need to jump to this conclusion, as there are plenty of affordable care services and funding options that enable individuals to remain in their own homes.
It may be that your parents are refusing care as they are unaware of the financial assistance they may be eligible to receive. By doing your research you can present them with a whole host of funding options and benefit entitlements to help ease the financial burden. From Local Authority funding to NHS Continuing Healthcare funding, there are sources of monetary support your elderly parents could receive.
Find out more about the costs of care by downloading our useful Financing and Funding Care guide.
How to speak to a parent refusing care
Talking to your elderly parents about care can be a difficult but important conversation to have. To them, it may feel that the roles have been reversed and that they should be advising and telling you what to do. However, it is essential that you broach this topic with sensitivity and respect.
Here are some pointers that could help you get the most out of a conversation about care with your elderly parents.
Be patient
Patience is key when discussing care with elderly loved ones. Be prepared to take things slowly and that you might not reach a definite conclusion in one sitting. As this can be a worrisome time for elderly people facing a new stage of life, patience can help ease them into entertaining the idea of care.
Provide options
Do your research first. Being fully prepared and researching all the care options available for your elderly loved ones can help to calm their fears. If you are unsure and unprepared, how can you provide useful information and address their concerns effectively?
The main care options available include:
- Live-in Care: a type of home care service that involves a carer residing in the home offering 24/7 support. With a live-in carer, the elderly individual can remain at home and retain independence.
- Visiting Care: for elderly people who want to continue living at home and only require some assistance with day-to-day activities a few times a week.
- Condition-led Care: for individuals living with chronic conditions, illnesses or disabilities that require specialist complex care.
- Nursing Home: offers medical care for elderly individuals requiring support with complex health conditions. Nursing homes have nursing staff on-site.
- Residential Care: similar to a nursing home but without the on-site medical support. Residential care also provides opportunities for socialising.
If home care is the preferred option, take a look at the many types of care that home care includes. From dementia care to companionship care, there’s a care service for every individual.
Give them control
Conversations about care will flow so much more smoothly if your elderly parents retain a sense of control and independence over their own lives. After all, care planning should be all about the individual and their needs, so it makes sense that they have an input into what they want to get out of their care.
Whichever care option they choose, it’s important that care does not negatively impact their daily routines and existing social arrangements. The goal of care should be to support and enrich their lives.
Although ultimately it is their decision, your job is to make them aware of the benefits of care to counteract their concerns. Providing your elderly parents with all the necessary information about their care options will help them make informed decisions about their care.
Is it my responsibility if my parent refuses care?
At the end of the day, you cannot force care upon an individual, even if they are your own parents. They are adults and should be treated as such. However, you may be worrying about whether or not it is your responsibility if your parent refuses care.
It is highly unlikely that you will have legal action taken against you if your parent refuses care. An elderly individual is legally the responsibility of their local authority if they refuse the care they need. Only if you have full responsibility over your elderly parent, for example, if you are their caregiver, could you be accountable if they come to any harm.
An alternative to enlisting the help of care service providers is to become your parents’ caregiver and take on the responsibility of their care. However, you should be aware that this can be tasking on your own health and well-being. If you decide to take on this role, it might be worth exploring respite care to help you avoid burnout and to ensure that you get regular breaks and time to yourself.
Once you and your elderly loved one have come to a decision about the type of care they would prefer, we can help you take the next steps in arranging their care. Our goal is to support your loved one in living the life they love independently in their own home.
For all types of home care, from respite care to 24/7 care, our care team is here to help. Simply contact us to start the process and arrange the most appropriate care for your loved one.
