When one partner develops dementia, everyday life can gradually change for both people. The person with dementia may begin to need more help with daily routines, while their partner may take on increasing responsibility for their care.
For couples who have spent many years living independently together, the idea of introducing professional care can feel like a significant change. You may worry that accepting help means losing privacy, independence or the familiar routines you share.
However, care doesn’t have to mean separating a couple or taking control away from the person with dementia. The right support can help them remain at home, while also giving their partner more time to rest, maintain their own life and continue being a spouse rather than becoming a full-time carer.
Can a couple stay living together when one partner has dementia?
In many circumstances, a person with dementia can continue living at home with their partner, provided their needs can be safely and appropriately supported.
Dementia affects everyone differently. Some people may initially need help with household tasks, meals and appointments, while others may later require more support with personal care, mobility, medication or staying safe at home.
It’s important to consider the needs of both partners when making care arrangements. The partner without dementia may be able to provide some support, but this shouldn’t mean they are expected to manage everything themselves.
Professional care can provide additional help while allowing the couple to maintain their shared home and familiar surroundings.
What happens when the partner becomes the main carer?
It’s natural for one partner to take on more responsibility when the other develops dementia. They may begin managing medication, preparing meals, arranging appointments, helping with personal care and keeping track of changes in their partner’s condition.
Over time, however, these responsibilities can become physically and emotionally demanding.
The caring partner may also find that their relationship has changed. Instead of simply being a husband, wife or long-term partner, they may increasingly feel responsible for managing their loved one’s care. This can be difficult for both people.
Introducing professional care can help share these responsibilities. It doesn’t take away the partner’s role in their loved one’s life. Instead, it can give them more opportunity to spend time together without every interaction being centred around care.
How can dementia care support both partners?
Good dementia care should be personalised around the individual and their existing routines.
A carer may help with:
- Washing, dressing and other aspects of personal care
- Preparing meals and encouraging regular eating and drinking
- Medication prompts where appropriate
- Getting up, going to bed and maintaining daily routines
- Mobility and getting around the home safely
- Attending appointments
- Shopping and household tasks
- Going for walks or taking part in familiar activities
- Providing companionship and reassurance
The exact support will depend on the person’s needs and how their dementia affects them.
It’s also important to consider what the partner needs. They may benefit from having time to attend their own appointments, see friends, pursue hobbies or simply have uninterrupted time to rest.
Will a carer replace the partner’s role?
A professional carer shouldn’t replace the relationship between two partners.
For many couples, one of the most important benefits of care is that it allows the partner to continue being a spouse rather than having to take responsibility for every aspect of their loved one’s daily life.
The partner can still prepare a favourite meal, go for a walk together, watch television, visit friends or simply spend time at home together. The difference is that they have additional support with the tasks that have become difficult to manage alone.
This can help preserve the familiar aspects of the relationship for as long as possible.
What if the person with dementia doesn’t want care?
Introducing care can be challenging if the person with dementia doesn’t understand why support is needed or feels that accepting help means losing their independence.
Where possible, involve them in conversations about their care and focus on what would make their everyday life easier.
It may help to introduce support gradually. For example, starting with help around the home or companionship may feel less intrusive than immediately introducing assistance with personal care.
Familiarity can also make a difference. Having the same carer regularly can help build trust and create a more predictable routine.
If a person’s ability to make decisions about their care changes as dementia progresses, families may need to seek appropriate professional advice about how decisions should be made in their best interests.
What if the partner needs support too?
It’s easy for the needs of the partner without dementia to be overlooked.
They may be physically exhausted from providing care, experiencing poor sleep or finding that they have little time for their own needs. They may also be dealing with grief as their relationship changes and uncertainty about what the future will bring.
Care planning should therefore consider the wellbeing of both people.
Even if the primary purpose of care is to support the person with dementia, having another person in the home can give their partner more opportunities to rest and maintain their own routines.
This can become more important as dementia progresses and the level of support required increases.
When might more care be needed?
Dementia is progressive, so a person’s care needs can change over time.
You may need to review the current arrangements if your partner is:
- Becoming increasingly confused or distressed
- Struggling with washing, dressing or using the toilet
- Forgetting to eat or drink regularly
- Having difficulty taking medication safely
- Experiencing changes in mobility
- Becoming unsafe when left alone
- Waking frequently during the night
- Becoming increasingly dependent on their partner for everyday tasks
It’s equally important to look at the wellbeing of the caring partner.
If they are becoming exhausted, struggling to sleep, missing their own appointments or feeling unable to leave the house, this may be a sign that additional support is needed.
Seeking help earlier can make it easier to introduce care gradually rather than waiting until the situation becomes a crisis.
Can live-in care help couples stay together at home?
Live-in care can provide dedicated support for a person with dementia while allowing them to remain at home with their partner.
A live-in carer can support personal care, meals, medication, mobility, household routines and companionship. They can also help the person with dementia continue with familiar activities and routines.
For the partner, having a carer present can provide reassurance that their loved one is supported when they need to work, attend appointments, see friends or simply take a break.
Care can also be adapted as needs change. Regular reviews can help ensure the support remains appropriate as dementia progresses.
What should we consider when choosing dementia care?
Every couple will have different priorities, but it can help to consider:
- Familiarity: Would your loved one feel more comfortable with a consistent carer and predictable routine?
- Experience: Does the care provider have experience supporting people living with dementia?
- Personal preferences: What routines, interests, foods and activities are important to your loved one?
- The partner’s needs: How can the care arrangement give the other partner time and space for their own wellbeing?
- Future needs: Can the level of care be adapted if your loved one’s dementia progresses?
The aim is to create a care arrangement that supports the person with dementia without unnecessarily disrupting the life they share with their partner.
Talk to Trinity Homecare about dementia care at home
If your partner has dementia and you are finding it increasingly difficult to manage their care alone, you do not have to make decisions about the future without support.
At Trinity Homecare, we can listen to your circumstances, understand your loved one’s needs and discuss how care at home could support you both.
Our dementia care is designed around the individual, with the aim of providing compassionate support while helping people remain comfortable and independent in familiar surroundings.
Call us now on 0207 183 4884 in confidence for a free, no obligation quotation. If enquiring outside of our opening hours, please complete our online form and we will contact you the next day.
